Golden Bachelor/Bachelorette Let’s Get Real!

I’ve never been a fan of ABC’s Bachelor nation. However, being a single female, in the over fifty-five demographic, The Golden Bachelor series caught my interest. 

I honestly had high hopes of seeing people finding love later in life. Despite the episodes becoming more cringy, week after week, and my disappointment in what they consider reality growing exponentially, I stuck with it until the end.

And a gluten for ugh, I watched the wedding.

At first, Bachelor Gerry seemed attractive (I mean okay honestly he is) as well as kind and appealing. But the second he spoke—good grief, the constant emotional breakdowns—and his deep attachment to every woman, like dishwater, his appeal spiraled down the drain. 

And the coifed, affluent women. Yeah, not even close to most of our reality!

If I bet on their fairy tale wedding ending in divorce a few months later, I would have won. Same for betting he’d be out looking for his next conquest minutes later.

So now they’re preparing for the Golden Bachelorette. Out of curiosity I’ll tune in, but odds are I won’t watch until the end. I can’t handle fakery in real life. I’m sure as heck not subjecting myself to it for entertainment.

So here’s what I’d love for the powers in television land to give us. Authentic single men and women in their second half of life finding their forever love. 

I want to see dad bods, crows feet, and thinning hair. ladies with some cellulite and wrinkles. Real people doing real jobs, or enjoying retirement while living on a fixed income. 

I’d gravitate toward watching—and learning—as they navigate dating and romance and intimacy in the somewhat awkwardness that comes with aging. When you’re self-assurance has waned a bit. And life’s ups and downs have made you open to love, while still a bit wary because you’ve learned discovering that special someone isn’t for the faint of heart. 

Most of all, whether they’re fifty or ninety, no matter if its “reality TV” or regular hopeful romantics like me seeking a loving partner to roam through life with, I want to see people who are comfortable in their own skin, just as they are.

Celebrating a life well lived without pretense and facades.

 

How many frogs are you willing to kiss?

As I diligently attempt to fulfill my 2024 goal to meet someone who’ll be my soulmate, my happily ever after and real life Love Later, this old saying comes to mind: “You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.”

Unless you’re a Disney Princess, there’s more to knowing you’re with your person than kissing them. In fact, for me, kissing is an intimacy that’s only shared after I’m fairly certain the person I’m locking lips with might be the right one!

Therefore, I’m changing the quote to: you have to meet a lot of frogs before you find the one.

I’m not searching for a prince or a knight in shining armor. I don’t need someone to save me or take care of me. What I desire is for a decent man to share my life with. Someone who’s kind, intelligent, open-minded, communicative, with a sense of humor and goals to pursue. With whom I can share emotions, strength, and resilience in the good times and bad. If he happens to be attractive, it’s a delightful bonus.

I want to fall in love—with all its spine tingling, toe curling magic. But it takes time, and as the years go on, time is of the essence.

Which brings me back to the point. How many chances do you take in search of Mr or Mrs Right?

We all know dating is much different from how it was. For those of us over fifty, organic meeting is the exception, not the norm. Which leaves us with on-line match-ups that can be like walking a daring tightrope. Tempting fate at every swipe right, wondering if the person we’re speaking to is a scamming credent. Add in AI, and we must be tech savvy to determine if the person is real or a bot.

The stranger danger warning from friends, and the frightening possibilities we hear every day, can push us into a despairing corner where we just give up.

However, I am not a quitter and I won’t give up on my dreams!

If we become so ensconced in looking for red flags, we’ll miss the green flags. This is where savvy common sense logic and balance kicks in.

Decades ago, when I met my late husband, an executive where I worked, he was older than me by twenty-two years, divorced with three children. My colleagues warned me he was a “flirt”, a “player who wanted one thing.”

Did I listen? Nope. We traveled a somewhat rocky road. But he never cheated, never went back on his word, nor did I. We dated for seven years, and were married for twenty before circumstances caused our marriage to end.

I have no regrets. Our union blessed me with three amazing sons and beautiful memories that far outweigh the times of strife.

Now as I now dip my toe in the dating pool, I remind myself If I had listened to the warnings all those years ago, I would have missed the life I cherish, the one that makes me who I am.

So with caution, I’ll swipe right on the men who seem plausible. I’ll meet the frogs through calls and video chats (in-person will wait until I’m comfortable) and hopefully one will be the real deal.

If not, at least I’ll know I didn’t allow fear keeping me from what might be my happily ever after. 😍

I’m lowering my (dating sites) standards!

Of course, it’s natural I’d like to meet a physically attractive man—tall, dark, handsome, a Ben Affleck, Gabriel Macht type. But realistically, I know available perfect in appearance men are few and far between. And more importantly, there are more vital attributes — such as the mind and soul of a man — than looks.

However, height is one thing I’ve always been a stickler for. I’m tall, 5’ 8” without shoes, add the three-inch heels I love, and I tower over many men. When I was about twenty-one, a friend set me up on a date with a bank manager. He was a nice guy, good-looking, had a solid job, a swanky car, a pleasant personality, attentive. All the things that should have had me swooning. But I couldn’t get past the fact he was 5’6’’. When we’d go to dinner in New York City, I’d step off the curb to walk beside him and slouch into the restaurant. My discomfort wasn’t fair to either of us, so I broke it off.

Now, as I’m knee-deep in my quest to find Mr. Right if a guy is appealing — seriously, I don’t mean to be shallow, but something has to attract me to his profile before I continue to his details — that pesky height box glows like a neon sign. I automatically swipe left if it doesn’t match my standards.

I’m noticing that… the tallish guys, at least in Southern California, are all into hiking, water sports, going to the gym seven days a week, and all sorts of activities that I know will never be me.

On the other hand, the guys who come in at 5’ 8” (sometime less) mention enjoying museums, live entertainment, interest in the arts, dining out, and walking about cities and quaint towns. They are my people. The men with whom I share mutual interests.

Last evening I had dinner with friends. A happily long-time married couple who have the sort of relationship I’m striving for. I shared my potential dating dilemma, and during the conversation, I realized how unimportant a guy’s height is. Who cares if he’s at eye level with me? What difference if he’s a bit shorter than me? It’s what’s inside that counts.

A relationship isn’t about standing beside each other and gazing up into his eyes. Instead, it’s about the moments while we walk, sit, talk, confide. Having similar interests to share and differing interests to learn from. A lifestyle and beliefs that are compatible.

So, I’ve lowered my standards in inches!

If a guy ticks the essential boxes. If his photos are more than him showcasing himself working out, sailing on a boat, and standing on the side of a mountain, I’ll no longer swipe left. And if we become something real, I’ll wear flats or my three-inch heels with nary a thought.

However, there are a few standards from which I’ll never waive. I don’t care if he’s the most gorgeous six-plus man on earth… if he’s an orange dolt supporter, conservative, anti-vaxxer, covid denier… NOPE, it’s never going to happen.

Actions DO speak louder than words!

It sucks that some pontificating Christians whose beliefs and behavior are so far from Christian-like that it’s mortifying have me wary about ever swiping right or liking a dude’s dating profile who states “decent Christian man.”

The funny part is, those who make the claim ALL look alike. It’s like a cult of phony men hiding behind their self-proclaimed goodness.

Honestly, if you’re a good person, you don’t need to announce it. It will show in your actions.